responsibility

The last few days I have had a chance to really think about life and the direction that mine is taking. It started on Easter Sunday when a relative told me that she was pregnant. I'm happy for her, if this is what she wants. I just wonder when it is going to be my turn. That sounds silly...I'm the one who is making decisions as to when I have children. I'm ready, Max is ready, but life keeps getting in the way. I have always been older than my true age, I've always felt this responsibility to do the right thing. I've always been told if I did the right thing and went to school and got a degree that I would have a better life. Better by whose standards though? Right now I am so stressed out with grad school and work that I truly don't care if I go back to work the rest of the school year. I have never felt that way. I'm tired of being responsible. For example I would love to go out west this summer but this stupid box that I have placed around myself won't let me. It is too out of my comfort zone. I'm so sick of school, maybe not school necessarily but definitely Marshall. I want to quit but keep telling myself to do the "right" thing. If I can get through school then I can have a child. If my stress level was down I would be happier. When is it going to end? When am I going to let it end I guess is a better question?