remember me?

With the state of the economy, plus the fact that I am now making two car payments I haven't been as apt to purchase books except for the ones that Marshall University's Reading/Literacy education program tells me that I have to have for classes. Therefore, I have rediscovered the public library as a means of getting books for my reading pleasure. On my most recent trip to the library I got a book by Sophie Kinsella called Remember Me? I liked the title and after glancing through the synopsis I decided I was in the mood for a light hearted book. So, the book is basically about a girl who is in a car wreck and wakes up after a mini coma of 5 days to find that she doesn't remember the last three years of her life. To make a long story short, she is married to a millionaire property developer, has become the director at the company she was working for, is a total bitch and has alienated all her friends, oh and she's had some plastic surgery thrown in for good measure. She wakes up and doesn't remember any of it, not her husband, or her new job, etc. So she has to rebuild her life. Anyway, the book was good but it got me thinking about my own self. I don't think I have turned into a bitch, and I'm definitely not the boss, but the last couple of months I have been asking myself "What the hell happened to you?" It's like I've been the one in the coma. I know that we all grow and change but my change has been in a negative aspect. My confidence is about as low as it has ever gone. I know that I have been through some tough things in my life but nothing has knocked me for a loop the way my Dad getting sick has. It is like it triggered all the anxiety and fear that I thought I finally had at bay. I'm making progress but still I have days that I don't want to go out of the house. This is not me. The person I was a few years ago would have said, "screw this" and found a way to overcome. What is wrong with me now? Maybe I need to get knocked over the head with a shovel so I can find my former self. She's clawing to get out but something stronger won't let her out.

So much for a light hearted book...